YUMINNNN

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this hurts. everything does. im so disappointed, y'know?
wait, what can i do.im not an almighty.i cant change the facts that all these has happened.and is happening again.
WHAT AM I?am i in that list?i doubt so.this sucks.everything does.i dont usually like to say life sucks, you people know dont you..
and now because of what youve done,its stinking my whole life,alright?
what, am i supposed to say loveyou&missyou&stuff to show my 'appreciation'?i guess our closeness aint to that extent,right?
what am i supposed to do to make it be that way again.what are the sacrifices i have to make?y'know, i dont mind doing anything.i really dont.but tell me please,tell me what should i do.give me advice.and i'll give you mine, like i used to.so frigging long ago.
oh no,im being naive again.its not gonna happen anymore, right? right?


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confusion. what a word.a stupid emotion.yaya.i brood over so many things, right?over 'what ive lost. [DONT READ IF YOURE NOT INTERESTED.IM NOT FORCING YOUR FRIGGING EYES TO THE DAMN SCREEN OKAY.GO TO HELL, YOU.]
have i exactly lost yous?i dunno.this is driving me up the wall.i know.im always being stupid.in my thoughts, my emotions, my actions blarhblarhblarhblarhblarh!!!
I CANT HELP IT!if i can, i'd be someone frigging normal who leads her life well and happy to the extent of going ridiculously gleeful about almost anything, right?im going ballistic.shit life.no, shit MY life.

let go or hold on?neither of those choices is easy.
try to hold on more?&face with those stupid feelings?
or try to let go?and go through the same amount of hurt,tears and heartache.

if friends to me has already been so heartaching, so painful.. then i wouldnt know what would happen to me if [TOUCH THE FUCKING WOOD] i were to lose any kin?
sigh.[i dont sigh cus i dont want you asking.i pretend to be okay when im not.]
yes, pretendence is indeed hard work.but who hasnt gone through hardship?maybe i have not been through the ultimate hardship? *SHRUG*
i know i still have a long way to go.maybe short,i wouldnt know.i dunno whats my goal.i dunno what im doing in my life.just going with my desires?with the greed?going with the influences?
well i know i've said im numbed.maybe to some, but im not.not completely, at least.


why is all this happening to me at this period of time?why not later?am i supposed to feel this way ALL THESE TIME?what have i been doing wrong all these while.do i deserve this?i dunno.i really dunno.
confusion.doubt.pain.hurt.
and in all these, i still reminisce.
i should make a damn sign with a red cross on it saying NO REMINISCING and paste it all around my house. ey?


if youve read to the end, tell me what you think?give me advice?cus the advice ive given is abundant to you.crap,rubbish,nonsense,etc.whatever it is, its unimportant to you.i was once in your life.maybe just a damn blardy passing cloud.

dammit.i gotta go get doing with the damn sign.


OH AND IF YOURE UNHAPPY READING MY ENTRIES AND AM JUST HERE TO JUST GIVE STUPID COMMENTS YOU CAN JOLLY WELL FINISH USING THE PAPER TO WIPE YOUR BLARDY ASS AND SCRAM.I CANT STAND YOU.NUH-UH I DAMN WELL CANT.YOU,YOU,YOU,YOU.
so ya.please know what to do
and no, this is not pms.

posted by yumin :D @ 9:28 PM